Can Two Highly Sensitive Individuals Date?

About 15 to 20 percent of the population are Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs). This group of people is likely to display an increased emotional sensitivity to internal and external stimuli. 

Can Two HSPs Date?

While two HSPs in a relationship are akin to signing up for an intense uphill battle, if two people madly in love are also willing to do the work to heal together, magic can happen. Let love and compassion guide the way, and always remember why you fell in love in the first place.

Increased sensitivity might have genetic roots, but of course, early childhood environments do undoubtedly play an enormous role in shaping these beautiful minds.  

HSPs feel things deeply, and that by itself is such a magnificent quality. If you’re an HSP, know that your high EQ and sharpened intuition have granted you no less than a superpower – This trait alone is great for negotiations under pressurizing conditions. What a gift. 

While these sensitive souls are more likely to be negatively impacted and reactive to anger, tension, violence, etc., they’re also delightful people who possess a higher capacity for empathy, and they pick up on people’s moods more quickly than others. HSPs also have a flair for creativity and tend to see beauty in the little things. 

HSPs are likely to experience varying degrees of anxiety, and could potentially be individuals who are also of an Anxious attachment style. If the latter is true, the challenge these individuals would face is to know how to distinguish between when intuition is speaking versus fear, because both voices might be loud and unrelenting at the moment. 

Extreme Possibilities of 2 HSPs Dating

Let’s not sugar coat this though – If two HSPs were to date, it would either be the most gentle and supportive relationship, or it would be an absolute disaster in the making.

Imagine these scenarios:

• A) You sense a swift change in the mood and atmosphere, and you immediately ask your partner if he/she is alright. Your partner then chooses to inform you kindly and calmly what the issue is, and both parties can quickly defuse the situation, or
• B) You sense a swift change in the mood and atmosphere, and you immediately ask your partner if he/she is alright. Instead of sharing what’s on his/her mind, your partner decides to launch an attack instead, or
• C) You sense a swift change in the mood and atmosphere, and you immediately get defensive and engage in protest behavior, whether it is to shut down in defiance and anger, or to lash out at your partner based on an assumption. In this case, if both do not possess either the skill set to de-escalate, are unwilling to, or simply cannot understand each other’s repair attempts, World War III is likely to take place.

Note that the difference in all three scenarios hinges on the maturity of both parties and how much work they’ve done before meeting one another to understand themselves and their communication patterns better, and to work with/her partner more effectively. 

While the strategies below will be helpful in any relationship, we do acknowledge that they are more important for HSPs to note for two HSPs to date.

Communication is Crucial When Two HSPs Date

Communication is vital for every couple, but even more so for two HSPs in love. They do need to learn how to work with themselves and others to communicate calmly and effectively that is hopefully void of provocation, for issues to be resolved peacefully. 

As much as possible, keep the language as simple as possible because HSPs can potentially zero in on yet another small thing in that precarious moment and the last thing you want to do is ignite another explosion. 

Learn to Circuit Break Yourself

We cannot always rely on our partners to understand us and therefore know how to circuit break for us. Especially with another HSP, he/she might be undergoing a great deal of internal turmoil too and has no additional bandwidth at the moment to help pull you up at the same time.

If both parties know how to pull themselves up though, that makes returning to baseline much easier.

To be able to do that, understanding self is step 1. Recognizing what an amygdala hijack feels like, and knowing how to communicate to step back when your fight-or-flight is engaged is the next step. 

While it’s not rocket science, emotions are also understandably not the easiest to control at that moment. Show yourself some compassion during moments like these, especially when you feel like you’re breaking down.

If you do need to ask for help, try saying something along the lines of: 

• “I feel overwhelmed. Can you help me?”
• “I just feel like crying now and I don’t seem to be able to help myself out of this hole now. Can you help pull me up, please?”

These statements do not attack the other, and the plea for help is clear.

Give the Benefit of Doubt Even When Doubtful

Stop short of sounding like a broken record – Giving your partner the benefit of doubt is extremely important. 

More so than others, you need to recognize that you both are more prone to misunderstanding each other when emotions are heightened, and worse so if both are argumentative people. 

Break the pattern by assuming the best of one another, and you just might watch the entire situation turn around quickly.

Forgiveness Is King

If you’re both floundering though, it’s okay too. Do understand emotions are amplified during a very tense moment. Recognize that you do not have a secure person between the two of you to anchor, so you need to put in double the effort now, and allow this relationship more grace than you’ve ever shown to anyone before.

Forgive, forgive, forgive. 

And never count score. 

Fate has allowed you to meet once. The rest is up to you.