How Often Do Husband and Wife Fight?
All relationships would see couples through countless arguments.
But just how often do husband and wife fight?
According to a recent US YouGov poll, 30% of people who are in serious relationships admit to arguing at least once a week. Another 28% admit to fighting about once a month and another 32% admit to arguing about once or a few times a year. Only 3% claim to never fight.
The most common issue two people argue about though might not be what you think. Instead of household chores, money issues, or family, which are undeniably top contenders, apparently what surpassed all of these to clinch the top spot is instead, the person’s tone of voice or attitude. Who would have thought?
Interestingly, 48 percent of those surveyed said they do get into the same arguments repeatedly as well. In fact, renowned psychologist and counselor Dr. John Gottman himself attested that 69 percent of marriage conflicts are never resolved!
Yet, what still makes these connections work? Why do some fights cause irreversible harm to bonds and tear people apart, and others see mates still going strong?
The difference lies in how they fight.
According to the same survey, 50 percent of the couples report a somewhat healthy style of argument, while 30 percent report unhealthy behaviors such as raising their voices, giving silent treatment, and even swearing and/or name-calling.
As author Crismarie Campbell once wrote, “What if every moment of conflict is a change to make your relationship even stronger?”
Red Flags of Husband And Wife Fight
It’s all too easy to let things spiral out of hand in a heated moment.
Here’re some red flags to look out for:
Bringing up old issues: This can be rather toxic, not to mention extremely exhausting to fight issue after issue, especially if the issue has already been resolved.
Mind reading: Assumptions are one of the top relationship killers, especially if they’re negative assumptions of each other.
Shutting each other out emotionally: Stonewalling is one of the infamous four horsemen, and understandably, a predictor of divorce.
Abuse: Physical abuse is never acceptable, and neither is verbal or emotional assault.
Ending threats: Some individuals do blurt out divorce or break-up statements in the heat of the moment, especially if they’re impulsive. Even if the guilty party makes repair attempts after, the move has inflicted irreparable damage, and this will change the relationship dynamic from that moment forth. Hello, trust and security issues. You can also read our popular post on how to save your marriage when you feel hopeless.
How to Fight Fair In Couple Fight
This might be tougher than it sounds to do and is an incredibly valuable skill set to possess. If you’re able to pause and listen and give your better half the space to air their grievances and allow them to feel heard, you’ve probably won half the battle.
The most long-lasting marriages are only made possible with the most forgiving of companions. As they say, never go to bed angry. Set a time frame for each other to cool down, especially if it’s a big issue. Then, bounce back quickly and move on.
Leave Issues Behind
We’ve all probably rehashed old issues before. Do know that if you’re bringing an old issue up again, then it’s clearly unresolved.
Ask for a good time to talk about it with your spouse, and address the core of the emotional remnants. Once done, leave it behind. That’s the only way to get through decades and build a life focused on love, rather than resentment. You can find our post on relationship-building activities for couples.
Always show mutual respect
This should always be a given, and a non-negotiable.
Always fight fair, and show mutual love and respect. Remember that that’s the person you chose to stand by you for the rest of your life.
Use “I” Instead of “You”
Be careful of language when in an argument. Blame never ends well, and will always aggravate an already tense situation.
By saying “I”, you’re owning your feelings and merely sharing your point of view, which helps you avoid making accusations that might ignite the next domestic war.
See Fights as Opportunities for Growth
There we have it – The secret of the most successful couples, the ones who are built to win life together. Just as the financial sharks of the world can see market slumps as the best times for investments, the best lovers see fights not as something detrimental, but rather, as opportunities to grow.
Arguments have informed both of boundaries, what each other’s likes and dislikes are etc. As a result, their husband/wife is now more informed and shares a deeper understanding of their partners.
Efforts have been made to get the information as accurate and updated as possible. If you found any incorrect information with credible source, please send it via the contact us form
Deborah Choo loves discussing relationships, platonic or not, as that remains at the heart of human existence. She draws upon learnings from couples’ counselling, and continues to celebrate an incredible journey of growth.