How To Comfort A Sad Wife
As a husband, I had to realize it is simple, yet complicated to comfort a sad wife.
What is the best way to comfort your sad wife? To comfort your sad wife, just ensure you are there physically and spiritually. Do not worry her with your "solution" for her problem as your wife just want someone to lean on and not think about her problems.
I will start with the don'ts and do's of comforting a wife and what could happen if done wrongly based on my personal experiences.
I started with the don'ts as it is usually harder than the dos.
Don'ts of Comforting A Sad Wife
The main complexities come from stopping her from feeling that you are:-
- Judging her mistakes or situation
The first step is to withhold all judgment and keep it in your mind. Similar to how a counselor works, just let your wife speak and share her pain.
Even if she made a mistake, it was already over, and don't use this time to teach her a life lesson. She is your wife to love and not to shame at her saddest moment.
- Compounding her pain making her remember the pain again
Another important step is to don't provide any solution. It is very easy for an external person to provide solutions or suggestions to solve her problem.
Based on my experience, a woman doesn't need solutions when she is sad. That is already too late!
The solution should have been there before she became sad. When she is sad, don't remind her of the problem again and let her escape mentally or physically.
- Distancing from her due to your actions or inactions
One common mistake is ignoring your wife when she is sad. While you don't want to judge or provide her suggestions, you should be somewhere she can rely on you.
She could lose her ability to take care of herself, binging unhealthy food, or watching Netflix. Nevertheless, you should be there when she can see or feel you.
Walking away could give her a sense of distancing and signal the wrong things in her sad mind now. Be sensitive and be nearby.
Making her feel lonely is a terrible and frustrating feeling so make sure you don't.
- Don't Get Sad or Angry
During this period, she could get very emotional and say things she didn't mean.
Your lizard mind might think she meant it and hid her "true" thoughts from the start.
Don't think she meant it as people all over the world make mistakes when they are emotional.
The worse thing is having 2 sad people or 2 angry people arising from a sad wife.
Dos of Comforting A Sad Wife
- Share Happy Memory or Photo
Humans are more likely to save bad memories than good and happy memories.
It is a survival instinct to remember the bad lessons to survive.
Therefore, make an effort to share a happy moment or photo with her. Let her know she is appreciated for what she had done, no matter how small.
This gratefulness and appreciation make someone feel good.
Just make sure it sounds sincere so that it doesn't backfire.
- Focus on "We" and Shared ownership
Make your wife feel that you are a team and share the pain together. Whether it was her mistake or other's mistake, you also own the problem too.
Shared ownership and team make one able to cope with pain better, even in adverse situations.
Imagine how many films or games started with a hero, having a weakness but also a strong team of people to help them grow.
- Understand what she wants
This is tough but that is something you need to work on.
Some people love hugs, some people love kisses. Some people don't like physical intimacy and just want time alone. Some people love small gifts, some find it wasteful. Some people love surprises, some people don't like surprises in life.
There is no right answer here so you have to figure out your wife.
If not dealt with correctly, your wife might feel worse and get:-
- Feelings of sadness,
- Changes in appetite (including weight gain or loss)
- Sleep disturbance (sleeping too much or too little)
- Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities
- Fatigue (even small tasks can require extra time)
- Anxiety or agitation
- Anger outbursts
- Feelings of worthlessness or guilt (including ruminating on past events)
- Trouble thinking, concentrating or making decisions
- Frequent thoughts of death, including suicidal thoughts
- Unexplained physical symptoms
The above are signs of depression. If you do think she is facing depression, try to seek further help and don't worry about the social stigma.
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He is happily married and have 1 child. He went through the pre marriage counseling and found it useful and wished to share to others in their marriages