How Buddhist Teachings Help Your Love Life
Siddhartha Gautama. That was the name of the Indian prince born to a chief of a Shakya clan, one whom brahmins had already prophesized 12 years before his birth, that a baby shall arrive, and one day become a universal monarch or great sage.
Buddha spoke of the Four Noble Truths, which in short, discuss:
How everyone in life is suffering in some way,
Suffering stems from desires
It is possible to stop suffering and achieve enlightenment
‘The Middle Way’ (avoiding extremes) as a way of life
How do Buddhist teachings then apply to love and relationships?
Buddhist teaching helps you in learning
- The Importance of Self-Love
- How Doubt Divides
- The Art of Letting Go
- How to find Inner Peace
The Importance of Self-Love
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
While we’re all in search of love, Buddha’s teaching could not be timelier – The reminder to first love yourself.
Everything stems from self – The frequency you operate on will be the energetic information that you’re sending out to the Universe, and the world will respond to you accordingly.
For example, someone who is constantly self-critical deems themselves unworthy, and will always settle for less. They may even be with a partner who puts them down because that reinforces what they believe of themselves to be true, and that feels familiar to the person.
Conversely, someone who has that foundation of self-love shows himself/ herself kindness in the face of failures and is likely to be surrounded by people who vibrate at the same energetic level. The result of that is a loving and supportive tribe that enjoys healthy, happy relationships.
How Doubt Divides
“There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.”
What a powerful statement: “A sword that kills.”
How many arguments have we seen, fought because of doubts, or that we’ve failed to give our lovers the benefit of doubt?
In relationships, while not easy to do, assume the best of your spouse. In times of doubt, before accusing the closest person to you of a moral crime they might not have committed, seek to clarify.
That simple act alone might save you a night of crying alone after a heated dispute with your significant other.
The Art of Letting Go
“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”
To live in the present is a gift. Yet, it might be one of the greatest gifts mankind often deny themselves – the pleasure of basking in the joy of the now.
When a relationship ends, even if it was toxic and/or unhealthy, grieving is inevitable. Humans are after all blessed with the capacity to feel and feel we must, whether we like it or not. Emotions are great teachers in highlighting what we are meant to learn from the experience.
The beauty is in realizing that we always have free will. Do you choose to examine and learn in order to grow, even if it means admitting fault or taking accountability for things you’ve said or done during the course of the relationship?
Pause, and have the courage to face yourself in the mirror.
Examples: If you were in a relationship where you realized your communication wasn’t the strongest, or maybe you were passive-aggressive sometimes, can that be changed? Or if you noticed that you tend to over-explain yourself, that stems from trauma. Are you able to correctly identify the past trauma, and work to overcome that?
If you’ve learned all that you needed to learn from that experience, breathe, and let go. No good comes out of holding onto an event that has passed, or someone who was never meant to be our soulmate.
Recognize that letting go will come in stages as well, and normalize the fact that healing is never linear. Give yourself permission to be vulnerable, to cry, to process. No one recovers from a wound overnight.
How to find Inner Peace
“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.”
Oh, how true this is.
We’ve all possibly been in situations where we’ve either been cheated on before or wronged, lied to, or even had such a bitter fight that anger from both parties starts to poison the partnership.
Before we know it, resentment comes out to greet us, like a snake stealthily slithering through our neuropathways, casting shadows on our hearts where love used to once shine through, threatening to consume us whole.
Nothing good comes from nursing resentment that will inevitably turn into hatred. The only cure to this, Buddha says, is through love. That is the unalterable law.
“Radiate boundless love towards the entire world – above, below, and across – unhindered, without ill will, without enmity.”
Love is the single most powerful force in this glorious world; it transcends all time and space, distances and universes.
Love is the one and the only thing that turns frowns into smiles, enemies into friends, and introduces healing to trauma.
Love unites us. What a beautiful world we live in, the second we choose to love and be loved.
Alas, love always wins.
We also have articles on ingredients for a happy married life.
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He is happily married and have 1 child. He went through the pre marriage counseling and found it useful and wished to share to others in their marriages