When to Call it Quits in a Long-Distance Relationship

All of us have undoubtedly been either in such a long-distance relationship before, and/or have heard of how friends in similar circumstances would’ve panned out. Most stories though are unfortunate ones. Whether one or both parties strayed and cheated on each other or the passion had simply faded, it’s a scenario where the success rate is immensely low.

We spend a lot of time troubleshooting relationship issues, in a bid to salvage situations. Yet, not enough time is dedicated to talking about when we should let go.

Before we go into the signs of an imminent end to your relationship, please note that this article is in no way endorsing nor encouraging break-ups. That said, if you do find yourself confused about whether you’re in a place where the partnership is no longer right for you, it is the hope that you manage to find answers within this article.

Are both parties communicating enough?

One of the greatest indicators of a thriving relationship is communication, not just in volume, but also in the quality of conversations.

Communication becomes way more important when it comes to bridging the gap remotely, and video calls are highly encouraged where the face-to-face element is missing.

If you’re currently deliberating:

Ask yourself, do you still enjoy talking to the person? Is he/she your best friend, and someone you run anything by, and vice versa? Or have you both drifted, and is this relationship now running on autopilot?

Do make sure time and emotional investment go both ways. The last thing you want to be is someone in a one-sided relationship.

Are you actively making plans to meet up?

Partners engaged in long-distance usually travel back and forth a fair bit just to meet up and spend time. Nothing beats connecting with the person in real-time, where the physical touch element is also present.

If you’re currently deliberating:

Ask yourself, have both of you set plans to travel to meet up, or has that been shelved for a while now? Is your lover or yourself showing reluctance in meeting up, or could it be that one party’s work schedule doesn’t allow it?

Whatever the case, it is advisable to speak openly with the person you’re dating about this, and decide together whether the preferred way is to make an effort to fix things, or call it a day.

Are your emotional needs being met?

The couples who tend to flourish in a setting where both parties are apart more than they are together are people who value words of affirmation more predominantly, and probably gifts. These are the two love languages that can still be met even if your companion is away.

The people who value physical touch and quality time though will likely suffer the most with distance, and such an arrangement might not be the most suitable.

If you’re currently deliberating:

Ask yourself, do you feel loved and cherished by the person you’re with? Or has the distance torn the fabric of the relationship so much that both of you are constantly fighting about anything?

If fights are a constant and have been for a period of time now, it’s a good indicator to step back, go within and align with yourself once again on what you want, and whether this person fits the current bill.

Is there an end goal in mind?

You need to talk about life goals early on, especially if you’re looking for something serious. Don’t be vague about this either – Set a clear timeline, if marriage is on the cards. Both parties will have to honor that timeline unless something big crops up, of which a discussion of a shift in the timeline can take place.

If you’re currently deliberating:

In the event differences are starting to surface with regards to whether both of you are aligned on kids, parenthood, location of your future home, who is going to move and make the ultimate sacrifice, etc, do discuss with your girlfriend/ boyfriend whether this works long-term, or whether it’s easier to set each other free. 

If the questions above have allowed you to see that you do still have a fabulous thing going, and you should perhaps openly chat with your other half on how to deepen the connection, that’s fabulous news. You can consider some relationship-building activities for couples.

However, if the prompters have shed light on cracks within the relationship suggesting it has run its course, and you’ve avoided reality for a while now, perhaps this will help – If we have the courage to be vulnerable enough to fall in love, we have the courage to leave. Unearth that inner strength, and rely on that to get you through an honest conversation with your partner to hopefully part ways on an amicable note.

While it can feel incredibly scary and uncertain to face the world as a single again, especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, know this: If we do not learn to let go of things that no longer serve our highest good, better things cannot fall into place.